Why I Can No Longer Stand Egypt's Health Industry.

I hate that a lot of the patients I see are dying or on the verge of death. I hate that parents aren't educated or well informed enough to notice catastrophic symptoms and signs in their kids. I hate that usually, it's too late by the time they come to the hospital.

I hate that sometimes, a patient will come in, and there won't be place to admit them. I hate the way I feel every single time I tell the parents of a sick kid to go on a wild goose chase looking for an incubator or an ICU bed. I hate how hopeless I feel, and how hopeful they feel when I tell them.

I hate it when a kid dies, and I know something could have been done to prevent his or her death. I hate having to tell the parents, "It's all part of God's plan."

I hate seeing fathers treat their wives and kids like shit when it's visiting hours. I hate having to hear fathers go on about how it's time for the mother to come back home because he can't handle the house. I especially hate hearing the phrase "You said he was going to die anyways right? Well, we might as well go back home and care for our other children." I hate it because sometimes, it's a true and real thing.

I hate that sometimes surgeries are rushed or delayed not depending on the patient's health but more so on the whims of the surgeon. I hate that the bureaucracy can sometimes be so maddening, that all that's left for a distressed parent, is to cry in a corridor making sure his wife doesn't see him.

I hate the good parents. The parents that are supportive, understanding and completely and genuinely polite. I hate giving them bad news. I hate them for letting me sympathize with them so badly.

I hate having to see parents lie to the older kids. Telling them they're going to be okay when it's clear they're not going to be. I hate the false hope instilled sometimes, in the child's bright and fleeting eyes.

I hate seeing a mother give birth to her 8th baby. I hate having been part of her bringing this baby to the world, who will most likely grow up impoverished and resentful.

I hate the way the system works. I hate how it jades you and hardens your heart. I hate that I no longer treat death with the same respect it eternally deserves.

I hate the older professors, most of them having abandoned the public teaching hospital that taught them so much, all in search of greener pastures. I hate that the system forced them to resort to thinking like that.

I hate walking down the street adjacent to my hospital. I hate having to accidentally bump into a parent I haven't seen in ages and having them tell me how their son or daughter died a month or two after they left the ward due to some chronic illness they were having. I hate the looks they sometimes give me, with good reason.

I guess what I hate the most is how helpless I sometimes feel when I go back home, lie down in bed and close my eyes.