Thursday, 5 May 2011

I Want Virgins....And Bad Actresses to Fuck! (Day 2 in Psychiatry)

I'm hoping you all read my first post on my first day in the Psych ward. I like to think it'll offer you true juxtaposition and insight to how wacky things are(It doesn't, but this story will)

Second day at the ward, I was much more relaxed. The guy that pranked me was around and he decided to introduce me, properly and correctly, to the patients. Now there were a lot of patients, but one struck out as very curious.

He had a Palestinian scarf wrapped around his neck and held a paper sword and was just walking around, reciting Quran and other religious prayers. I asked the guy that pranked me what his story was. He told me to go talk to him. He promised I'd be very intrigued. I manned up and decided to go initiate a conversation with the man.

"Assalamu Alaikum." I said in the most non threatening, non intimidating way possible.
"Wa alaikum assalaam. Now there's a proper greeting. You'd have made a great recruit!"
"Uh Thanks. Recruit? Recruit for what?"
"For the war of course! God's war! Against the non believers! And here I am stuck in this silly building, when I can be outside, slaying non believers with this sword of mine."
"Yeah well, it really sucks we're not living during the time of the Prophet anymore. God, what I would have done had I been there. It would've been amazing!"
"Absolutely, I mean talking to the Prophet enough would have been really cool."
"Forget that! The wars man! There were so many! So many non believers back in that day to kill. You'd walk down the street and find a non believer."

He sighed, "Boy, those were some good times. You just know they're having all tons of awesome freaky sex with the virgins now."

Wait... It gets better.

We walked back to the common room where patients were playing backgammon, dominoes and watching TV on their super big flat screen (The Psych ward is pretty god damn awesome, if you're not crazy).

He plopped himself on the chair and started  chastising everyone for watching the 'filth and sex depraved garbage' . Then Yousra came on the TV and that's when everything changed.

Yousra's a female actress here in Egypt. She's pretty famous and she's been acting for a very long time. She's old and plastic.  Here's a link

I was expecting him to lose his shit and start a religious tirade against her. The blonde hair, the fact that she plays empowered females, you know, the stuff that drives insane religious people more insane.

He looked at me and said,

"Maaan, what I'd do to fuck her. You just know she's got a great pussy. Wouldn't you fuck her Doc?"


"But what about religion man? What about your relentless war and journey to be a martyr for God? What about the Virgins!?"

"Oh that's all well and good.. But I'd GLADLY sacrifice all those virgins for sex with Yousra."

So here's my idea to get rid of every single suicide bomber, and we have to act now, especially that Osama's dead and Qaeda's weak.

Americans, instead of dropping bullets and fucking firebombs, print flyers of this woman and drop them right now in every country with crazed Islamic terrorists:

Guaranteed. To Fucking. Work.

Note: Now I don't know how many foreigners read my blog, but I figured I'd include this little addendum to inform people. This man was clearly not well in the head. He's by no means, an example of Islam ruining someone's brain. Islam doesn't ruin people. Religion does (especially if practised wrong). I also want to note that the person never killed anyone and he was just delusional.. He was by no means a danger to anyone at all. He just talked shit. 
Thank you for taking the time to tilt your head and read my Italic note .

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