Monday, 18 April 2011

Size Matters...

This isn't a story from the ER ward. I'm afraid its an older story that happened a few months back when I was still a young innocent intern who honestly thought he'd help save lives. Such glorious days those were.

This was about 4 months ago, in the Internal Medicine Hospital, or the prison as we like to call it. Its nomenclature sounds odd until you actually go and inspect the hospital for yourself. It literally is designed like a prison, complete with bars on the windows. Not only that, but most of the patients that get to stay don't usually make it (most of the diseases are organ system failures and a few complicated cancers). Needless to say, it's a fun and marvelous place full of wonder and enchantment (for those with Satanic inclinations).

I was on the 7th floor and I got to know most of the patients. They were all really cool and friendly and we often joked around. One day though, one of them was in a bad mood so I asked what was wrong with him.

"It's the hernia Doc. I really want to fix it but the doctors say I can't on account of my liver failure."
"Can I see your hernia? I just need to see if there are any complications like redness."
"Sure Doc. But be careful down there."

He wanted me to be careful because he had something called a scroto-inguinal hernia. Now everyone knows what a hernia is . A Scroto-inguinal hernia is a hernia that protrudes to your balls. It's not fun to look at , and I'm sure as hell it's not fun to actually have. Oh did I mention they grow to huge sizes?  Massive and gargantuan balls. You can see an example here but I must warn you that like everything in Medicine, it's pretty fucking disgusting.

"It's fine. It's not complicated or strangulated so you're good. But do you mind if I ask you just one question?"
"Sure Doc, ask away. What's up?"
"Now this hernia you got. You didn't wake up one day and BOOM have huge balls all of a sudden. This was a progressive thing. Looking at the size of it, I'd say it's been about 6 months."
"Yeah. You're right. It was about 5 months and everytime I'd cough it'd just get bigger and bigger."
"Okay, here's my question. Why in God's good name did you wait for 6 months as your balls just got bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger, now effectively being that bouncy ball kids use to bounce around (people who watch South Park will understand this reference. If you did: Good for you!)"
"Honestly Doc? I thought God was blessing me."
"Say what?"
"Yeah, I mean it was growing slightly at first and I figured, hey, whatever increases in size under the belt has got to be a gift from God right?"
"............ And it didn't, alarm you that it just kept getting bigger?"
"Well, I thought about it and figured that maybe, just maybe, it would have stopped. Like it was some sort of growth spurt, only better."

This is, unfortunately, a common occurrence in Egypt. People mistake diseases relevant to balls and penis as gifts of virtue and virility from the Gods. So please people, if your dick's hard for hours, go see a doctor because no, it's not you suddenly overcoming being a premature ejaculator.

PS: The funniest part of all of this was that after I was done talking to him, I met his wife. She was all upset and kept saying this was all her fault. When I asked her why, she'd said that she's the one that told him that it wasn't worth getting looked at.
One can only imagine the weird sexual shit they must have been up to what with his huge testis. 

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